Money money money

Over the years, I’ve become more and more certain that we, as mankind, face a huge problem. A problem that we brought upon ourselves. A problem that we took under our wings, nurtured, cared for, and perfected. A problem that now threatens us all. Alright, alright, I’m done with the dramatic movie entrance. Instead, let me ask you a simple question. What does this world revolve around?

a) The sun

b) Love

c) Money

If you picked the sun, you will most definitely miss the whole point of this post, so you might as well stop here and go make yourself a nice cup of tea to sip while pondering the answer to six down.

If you picked love, go away. Seriously, just close the damn window and go pluck daisies or something.

If you picked money, my friends, you’re cordially invited to read further. Or not. Whatever. I’m only writing this ‘cos I’m bored. But wait, I do have a point. The point is, this world revolves around money. You know all those famous quotes by famous people long dead that say “Money cannot buy happiness” or “Love conquers all” or “The chocolate starfish will take over the world”?

Go ahead, Google that last one. Do it. I dare ya.

Anywayyyyy, what I’m saying is… all these quotes? They’re bullshit. Utter and complete bullshit from the mouths of people who were either drunk, stoned or hiding from the men in the white coats and the large butterfly nets. Because let me tell you something, as someone completely sober, sane and pot-free – Money can buy happiness and Money conquers all, including chocolate starfish.

And that is the problem we face today. Money. Cash. Moolah.

Oh don’t get me wrong. Money by itself is quite peaceful and harmless. But place it in the middle of an old grannies’ baking class and you’ve got a fuckin stampede to deal with. The thing is, everybody wants it. Everybody wants money, and not just enough of it to live on, they want as much as they can get their little fingers on. You know this is true. I don’t have to bring out my defensive statements, do I? No? Good. Moving on, then. Obviously, the next question is “Why?” Why do people crave money?

Our society, our whole world, has grown into a money-centric one. No matter how much you claim happiness, love, sunshine, flowers and beavers are all that’s important in the world, if someone offered you a million dollars right now, no strings attached, you wouldn’t turn it down. Hell, you wouldn’t turn down ONE dollar.

OK, so you NEED money. For parking tickets, fines, phone bills, electricity bills and taxes. And women. Or OK, for food, clothing and shelter. So you can have kids, and your kids won’t starve to death, and can go to school to get a good education. And they need a good education so they can get a good job. And they need a job, so they can make money. And they need money for parking tickets, fines, phone bills, electricity bills, taxes, women, food, clothing and shelter. Are you beginning to see a vicious circle here?

To put it shortly, the very purpose of our existence is to make money. Not to love, or teach or grow… all those are secondary. First, you need money. And that, my friends, is the problem.

So my question is, why the fuck is money so important? When did it get so important, and who made it so??? Because dammit, I didn’t get a vote, and I protest!!! Oh and, after reading this, if any of you start feeling resentful towards your money, feel free to send it to me. I’ll gladly suffer on your account.

Growing Up

And so we come to my 4th, is it? poem. Not about Adam, but something I think everyone can relate to. We all miss our childhood and wonder where that innocence went.

Growing Up

I used to believe in goblins and elves
I thought they were there but hid themselves
I used to believe in unicorns
And dragons that had horns
And mystical creatures with wings
Faeries and shimmery things
I used to believe in the fairy tales
That said love would survive the hales
I used to believe that everything that glittered was gold
That all was right with the world
Then one day I opened my eyes
And saw the truth
The world doesn’t really rhyme

©2010 SeenZ

Where: Trivandrum, Kerala, India

When I tell people I’m taking a trip to Kerala, they always get excited. “Wow, you must be so happy!” is the usual reaction. I don’t get it. I’m never excited about going to Kerala. In fact, I kind of dread it. Mostly for 8 reasons…

1. People always ask me about my hair. “Why do you color it??” “Why do you cut it so short??” And the worst part is, you can’t just answer with a simple “Why not?” or “Because I like it that way.” Because they just WON’T GET IT. Their minds are all tuned to one channel. And there, every girl has long, frizzy black hair. Yeah, that’s supposedly a good thing.

2. I never get to wear heels. Let’s face it, no sensible person wears heels in the land of mud and rain (unless they hate said heels and want to see them dead. Which I don’t. I wuv them.)

3. I’m 23 and not married. Enough said.

4. I cannot wear a tank top without being stared at by every-freaking-one. Not in a nice way, no.

5. Power cuts.

6. The roads. The goddamned roads. I mean, I gotta hand it to anyone who can manage to drive a vehicle there. It’s like an obstacle course… drive an inch, avoid a big hole in the road, swerve to avoid hitting that group of girls, swerve back the other way to avoid hitting the beggar sitting on the road and talking on his phone, go over a pile of rocks, look both ways and run the red light, hit a guy on a bike, apologize… OK, you get 10 points. Now imagine a couple of hours of this. It’s great for video game lovers I suppose.

7. The people who come up to you and ask, “Oh do you remember me?”, assume you do, and then proceed to talk to you about other people you’re supposed to remember. And all the while you’re trying to figure out who the hell they are, so you have no idea what to say when they suddenly ask you a question, and then you have to pretend your phone was ringing (“it’s a special tone… only I can hear it”) and edge away.

8. The “Do you never eat anything?” question that you’ll be asked at least once by every person you meet.

But despite all this, every time I get out of the plane in India and take that first deep breath, it feels like home. And I guess that’s what really matters.

The Real Deal

Let’s do this step by step, so anyone who’s not familiar with the issue (read: anyone who’s been away from Planet Earth on vacation) can keep up.

Adam Lambert performed his single “For Your Entertainment” at the AMAs. The performance included him kissing his male keyboardist, simulating fellatio with one of his male dancers, and some other racy stuff with women that no one really seems to care about. No one minds that he grabbed a woman’s crotch, but they’re all going, “Oh My GOD he kissed a guy on TV!”

Outrage. Homophobes tried to be homophobic in a more subtle way and cried, “What about the children who were watching the AMAs??” <– Lame excuse number 1.

Real reason: They’re homophobic. If kids are up watching TV at 11 PM, they’ve definitely seen worse.

And so the next day, ABC cancelled Adam’s Good Morning America performance. Their reason: They were concerned about showing a similar performance so early in the morning. <– Lame excuse number 2.

Real reason: ABC & Disney are homophobic.

As soon as ABC cancelled Adam, CBS grabbed him for The Early Show. They did an interview with him where they pretended to understand his point of view about the performance, then showed the infamous picture of Madonna kissing Britney. Then they showed Adam kissing Tommy for comparison. Only this time, they blurred the image. Their reason: People are used to the Madonna/Britney kiss, but they need time to get used to the Adam/Tommy kiss. <– Lame excuse number 3.

Real reason: CBS is scared of their homophobic viewers. In other words, CBS does not have balls.

Adam, of course, had plenty of chances to share his own thoughts about his performance, and he did: “All hail freedom of expression and artistic integrity.” <– Two thumbs up.

After cancelling Adam, ABC booked Chris Brown, convicted woman-beater, to appear on GMA. People asked why they supported domestic violence over homosexuality. They said Chris Brown was booked before Adam and they couldn’t cancel. <– Winner of Lamest Excuse Award. Now they’ve alienated not only homosexuals, but also feminists and intelligent human beings. How long before they crack and find a magical way of cancelling Brown?

Adam has not apologized for his sexually charged performance, and he doesn’t intend to. He said it like it is – He’s an entertainer, not a babysitter. Females have been doing racy stuff on TV since Eve, but the minute a man steps out of the box, the world goes mad. There IS a double standard. Man on woman is considered ‘normal’, girl on girl is considered ‘sexy’, but man on man is considered ‘disgusting’. I don’t get the logic either.

Adam Lambert + a nude woman = Drama with a capital D!

So, Adam Lambert posed with a nude model.

Wow great, go Adam!

A nude female model.

OUTRAGE! How dare he??? Doesn’t he know he’s supposed to be gay???

That was the reaction from many fans after the scans of Adam’s latest photoshoot for Details magazine made it to the internet. Now, don’t get me wrong. The majority absolutely loved it, had some extra adamgasms to add to their daily count, and twatted Adam about how fucking sexy he was.

But let’s talk about that little minority group that did not like the pictures. Ah, them. There’re several reasons for their… uneasiness. Let’s analyze, shall we?

Some are, are you ready for this? – jealous. They’re… jealous. Alright, Adam’s got the point. He’s not allowed near naked women. Right. Gotcha. Moving on.

Some, and this is mainly the younger fans, are offended because of the nudity. Well, I’m sorry, but this is Adam Lambert we’re talking about. He’s a very sexual creature, and admit it, that is partly why you love the man. I realize they’ve got a point. They shouldn’t have these pictures thrown in their faces without warning. But folks, let’s get this clear. Adam Lambert always comes with a warning. Always. Because he is Adam Lambert.

And my personal favorite – He’s gay, he should not be posing with nude penis-less people. He’s not being true to himself. It’s not who he is. Why’s he doing this? I’m so confused!

Get a grip, people! Read the following points very carefully.

1. Details is a men’s magazine. The heteros out there do not want to see a naked man with a clothed man. Ask any of them. They prefer breasts to penises.

2. Read the damn article. It’s about women fantasizing about gay men i.e. Adam. The pictures denote those fantasies. Your fantasies, not his. Is the light beginning to dawn?

3. It’s called acting. He does one photoshoot with a nude woman and suddenly he’s being un-gay? Hell. Are Heath Ledger (RIP dude, I love you) and Jake Gyllenhaal gay because they acted in Brokeback Mountain?

4. It’s controversial, it got people talking, it got a whole drama going on, and that is exactly what Adam wanted. So yes, he is being true to himself. No, he hasn’t changed. Yes, he is gay. No, he did not sleep with her. Yes, he probably enjoyed it. No, I’m pretty sure he didn’t have a fight with Drake. Yes, the cow did jump over the moon.

1+2+3+4 = It was one fucking photoshoot. Get over it!

Now that you’ve all (hopefully) understood the idea behind the photoshoot, get yourself a glass of wine, sit back, relax, and enjoy those pictures!

I know there will be disagreement over what I’ve written, and really, I don’t give a shit. But please, if you’ve got a brilliantly nasty reply gelling in your head that you just have to tell the world, feel free to post it. I don’t promise to read it, but I’m sure it will give you some satisfaction.