For whom the wedding bells toll

So I’m finally there. 23 years old. The perfect age, according to Mom the All-Knowing, to start the manhunt. And by manhunt, I mean manhunt. The search for that perfect person to complement you… your “other half”. You must understand, once Mom the All-Knowing decides to start the manhunt, and if she has Big Sister the Ever-Excited as her assistant, there’s no stopping her. You can plead, you can cry, you can throw tantrums, you can threaten to kill a puppy, but nothing will work. She won’t even notice the dead puppy as she hurries from matrimonial site to matrimonial site, filling in the profile of “The Perfect Bride.”

What do you do then? My solution was to say nothing. Let Mom the All-Knowing and her assistant have their fun. Let them go ooh and aah at all the “God-fearing” men on shaadi.com. They’ll call them all up, and soon there will be a parade of 27-year old Roman Catholic Keralite men (preferably from Trivandrum, non-smoker, non-drinker, non-fun) through the house.

See them, talk to them, and send them on their way. Nothing wrong in being polite. Then tell Mom the All-Knowing that they were either:

1) Too short

2) Too tall

3) Too fat

4) Too thin

5) Is a Bryan Adams fan

Under no circumstance must you use the following excuses for rejecting a proposal:

1) Does not drink

2) Does not enjoy clubbing

3) Drives too slow

4) Does not have any tattoos or piercings whatsoever, I mean COME ON!

5) Is not an Adam Lambert fan

Trust me, they don’t work. Even though that last one is a perfectly valid reason. And if she doesn’t buy any of your reasons, it’s perfectly OK to call up the guy, and tell him you:

1) Think “God” is Edward from Twilight. (No no, I hate the guy, this is just an example.)

2) Have lung cancer.

3) Eat only rabbit on Fridays.

That should fix things.

Now, once you’ve rejected about 5-6 guys, the All-Knowing, Ever-Excited team will start getting anxious. They will start lowering their expectations of the men. They will become slightly erratic and frenzied, and drink lots of coffee. They will try to fix you up with random strangers they see on the street.

DO NOT WORRY.

It’s just a stage. It will pass.

Or so I hope.

Please keep me in your thoughts.

Advertisements

3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. simz the crazy assistant
    Jun 06, 2010 @ 19:24:35

    yes! i’m the crazy assistant.muahahahHA! ive already planned wht the wedding gown is gonna luk like(though seenz has no idea.hehe,alright i’l let u choose the design),bridesmaid’s dresses(yea tht includes me.yay!),the wedding colors, the photo/videographers etc..etc including when i’m gonna have my second baby(of course i cant luk like santa who … See Moreswallowed the world cup football in my bride’smaid’s gown!the Horror!)
    now all i need is the groom! i’m beginning to think it’s IMPOSSIBLE getting one who fits all the requirements of seena And my mom ANd my Dad AND my hus AND most important me!

    so i’m in the phase where i’m luking at random strangers on the street. Anyone interested,do let me know.get my id frm seenz.
    *now,where’s my coffeejug? oh, there it is.here mom,u have some too*

    Reply

  2. revcat
    Jun 06, 2010 @ 19:49:20

    I loved your post and can picture it in my head just like a movie! Matchmaking is the stuff of some great novels too 🙂

    Reply

  3. Sean Ryder
    Jun 06, 2010 @ 22:59:26

    am sure u already the answer to solving this puzzle…. the sokution is simple as it sounds but applying it in real life may not be practical…;-)

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: