Money money money

Over the years, I’ve become more and more certain that we, as mankind, face a huge problem. A problem that we brought upon ourselves. A problem that we took under our wings, nurtured, cared for, and perfected. A problem that now threatens us all. Alright, alright, I’m done with the dramatic movie entrance. Instead, let me ask you a simple question. What does this world revolve around?

a) The sun

b) Love

c) Money

If you picked the sun, you will most definitely miss the whole point of this post, so you might as well stop here and go make yourself a nice cup of tea to sip while pondering the answer to six down.

If you picked love, go away. Seriously, just close the damn window and go pluck daisies or something.

If you picked money, my friends, you’re cordially invited to read further. Or not. Whatever. I’m only writing this ‘cos I’m bored. But wait, I do have a point. The point is, this world revolves around money. You know all those famous quotes by famous people long dead that say “Money cannot buy happiness” or “Love conquers all” or “The chocolate starfish will take over the world”?

Go ahead, Google that last one. Do it. I dare ya.

Anywayyyyy, what I’m saying is… all these quotes? They’re bullshit. Utter and complete bullshit from the mouths of people who were either drunk, stoned or hiding from the men in the white coats and the large butterfly nets. Because let me tell you something, as someone completely sober, sane and pot-free – Money can buy happiness and Money conquers all, including chocolate starfish.

And that is the problem we face today. Money. Cash. Moolah.

Oh don’t get me wrong. Money by itself is quite peaceful and harmless. But place it in the middle of an old grannies’ baking class and you’ve got a fuckin stampede to deal with. The thing is, everybody wants it. Everybody wants money, and not just enough of it to live on, they want as much as they can get their little fingers on. You know this is true. I don’t have to bring out my defensive statements, do I? No? Good. Moving on, then. Obviously, the next question is “Why?” Why do people crave money?

Our society, our whole world, has grown into a money-centric one. No matter how much you claim happiness, love, sunshine, flowers and beavers are all that’s important in the world, if someone offered you a million dollars right now, no strings attached, you wouldn’t turn it down. Hell, you wouldn’t turn down ONE dollar.

OK, so you NEED money. For parking tickets, fines, phone bills, electricity bills and taxes. And women. Or OK, for food, clothing and shelter. So you can have kids, and your kids won’t starve to death, and can go to school to get a good education. And they need a good education so they can get a good job. And they need a job, so they can make money. And they need money for parking tickets, fines, phone bills, electricity bills, taxes, women, food, clothing and shelter. Are you beginning to see a vicious circle here?

To put it shortly, the very purpose of our existence is to make money. Not to love, or teach or grow… all those are secondary. First, you need money. And that, my friends, is the problem.

So my question is, why the fuck is money so important? When did it get so important, and who made it so??? Because dammit, I didn’t get a vote, and I protest!!! Oh and, after reading this, if any of you start feeling resentful towards your money, feel free to send it to me. I’ll gladly suffer on your account.

PS: For those who actually Googled that quote about chocolate starfish…. umm… get a life.

Adam Lambert Does Drugs??? Alert The Fans!!!!

I woke up this morning with the full intention of finishing (or at least starting) my last assignment for the week. Well, a peek into Facebook ruined that plan! It seems while I was asleep, Adam “GlamGod” Lambert was performing in Amsterdam, and he… he smoked a joint on stage!

Yep, I can hear ya scream.

I love this man. The thing is, when he does something like this, I have to blog it. ‘Cos many people tend to act like complete IDIOTS when Adam does something unexpected. They start accusing and judging and spewing hatred. My blog comes to the rescue. Yes sirree. So, people! Give it a rest! He smoked a freakin joint in Amsterdam, where people smoke pot like they drink water. It’s not a big deal. Read my lips (or my pretty Times New Roman font)…

IT’S NOT A BIG DEAL.

Remember the Details photoshoot hullabaloo? This is pretty much like that… fans divided on their opinion of what Adam did, fans wondering, doubting him. You think he didn’t expect his reaction??? Get over yourself! The man wants to smoke, he’s got a right to smoke. And that’s that.

It’s all in the spirit of Rock N Roll. Don’t take it too seriously. He’s NOT promoting drugs. (And neither am I, btw!) But you know… take a chill pill. This is Adam Lambert we’re speaking about. If you don’t expect him to shake things up once in a while, you don’t know him at all!

And remember – Adam Lambert always comes with a warning.

(How about that make out session with Ratliff, huh? Those boys are so freaking CUTE together! LOVE!!)

Growing Up

And so we come to my 4th, is it? poem. Not about Adam, but something I think everyone can relate to. We all miss our childhood and wonder where that innocence went.

Growing Up

I used to believe in goblins and elves
I thought they were there but hid themselves
I used to believe in unicorns
And dragons that had horns
And mystical creatures with wings
Faeries and shimmery things
I used to believe in the fairy tales
That said love would survive the hales
I used to believe that everything that glittered was gold
That all was right with the world
Then one day I opened my eyes
And saw the truth
The world doesn’t really rhyme

©2010 SeenZ

Where: Trivandrum, Kerala, India

When I tell people I’m taking a trip to Kerala, they always get excited. “Wow, you must be so happy!” is the usual reaction. I don’t get it. I’m never excited about going to Kerala. In fact, I kind of dread it. Mostly for 8 reasons…

1. People always ask me about my hair. “Why do you color it??” “Why do you cut it so short??” And the worst part is, you can’t just answer with a simple “Why not?” or “Because I like it that way.” Because they just WON’T GET IT. Their minds are all tuned to one channel. And there, every girl has long, frizzy black hair. Yeah, that’s supposedly a good thing.

2. I never get to wear heels. Let’s face it, no sensible person wears heels in the land of mud and rain (unless they hate said heels and want to see them dead. Which I don’t. I wuv them.)

3. I’m 23 and not married. Enough said.

4. I cannot wear a tank top without being stared at by every-freaking-one. Not in a nice way, no.

5. Power cuts.

6. The roads. The goddamned roads. I mean, I gotta hand it to anyone who can manage to drive a vehicle there. It’s like an obstacle course… drive an inch, avoid a big hole in the road, swerve to avoid hitting that group of girls, swerve back the other way to avoid hitting the beggar sitting on the road and talking on his phone, go over a pile of rocks, look both ways and run the red light, hit a guy on a bike, apologize… OK, you get 10 points. Now imagine a couple of hours of this. It’s great for video game lovers I suppose.

7. The people who come up to you and ask, “Oh do you remember me?”, assume you do, and then proceed to talk to you about other people you’re supposed to remember. And all the while you’re trying to figure out who the hell they are, so you have no idea what to say when they suddenly ask you a question, and then you have to pretend your phone was ringing (“it’s a special tone… only I can hear it”) and edge away.

8. The “Do you never eat anything?” question that you’ll be asked at least once by every person you meet.

But despite all this, every time I get out of the plane in India and take that first deep breath, it feels like home. And I guess that’s what really matters.

For whom the wedding bells toll… part deux

YES! The worst is over. The manhunt is taking its toll on Mom the All-Knowing and Big Sister the Ever-Excited. The former is not so all-knowing now, and the latter can be seen wandering around with an expression of resigned acceptance.

It did take a while… after all, the men on shaadi.com kept increasing like the world rabbit population, and every new one was a source of intense, stalker-like interest. Even the idiots who had profiles like, “hi myself ‘name‘, i looking sweet beatiful gerl godfearing…”

I mean… seriously??? The only demand I have is the guy be able to speak English without sounding like a character played by Mammootty in an old malayalam movie. (Please God, please!)

What was more annoying though, was the way they treated any guy I talked to. Like, the other day, I ran across an old friend from college and we were catching up on life… and I could feel the eyes of the All-Knowing, Ever-Excited team boring into us… well, him. And sure enough, as soon as we said our goodbyes, they were there with a notepad and pen, demanding to know his life history. All I can say is, thank goodness he isn’t from Kerala.

And so in the end, my continued rejection of anyone they came up with was too much for even the All-Knowing, Ever-Excited team. Now my sister uses her laptop to work on her 3D projects rather than on shaadi.com, and my mom spends most of her time trying to get her grandchild to not pee on the bed.

They’re off my back. Thank you all, for listening, and for the prayers. I’m sure this peace won’t last, but the break feels good, no matter how short it may be.

For whom the wedding bells toll

So I’m finally there. 23 years old. The perfect age, according to Mom the All-Knowing, to start the manhunt. And by manhunt, I mean manhunt. The search for that perfect person to complement you… your “other half”. You must understand, once Mom the All-Knowing decides to start the manhunt, and if she has Big Sister the Ever-Excited as her assistant, there’s no stopping her. You can plead, you can cry, you can throw tantrums, you can threaten to kill a puppy, but nothing will work. She won’t even notice the dead puppy as she hurries from matrimonial site to matrimonial site, filling in the profile of “The Perfect Bride.”

What do you do then? My solution was to say nothing. Let Mom the All-Knowing and her assistant have their fun. Let them go ooh and aah at all the “God-fearing” men on shaadi.com. They’ll call them all up, and soon there will be a parade of 27-year old Roman Catholic Keralite men (preferably from Trivandrum, non-smoker, non-drinker, non-fun) through the house.

See them, talk to them, and send them on their way. Nothing wrong in being polite. Then tell Mom the All-Knowing that they were either:

1) Too short

2) Too tall

3) Too fat

4) Too thin

5) Is a Bryan Adams fan

Under no circumstance must you use the following excuses for rejecting a proposal:

1) Does not drink

2) Does not enjoy clubbing

3) Drives too slow

4) Does not have any tattoos or piercings whatsoever, I mean COME ON!

5) Is not an Adam Lambert fan

Trust me, they don’t work. Even though that last one is a perfectly valid reason. And if she doesn’t buy any of your reasons, it’s perfectly OK to call up the guy, and tell him you:

1) Think “God” is Edward from Twilight. (No no, I hate the guy, this is just an example.)

2) Have lung cancer.

3) Eat only rabbit on Fridays.

That should fix things.

Now, once you’ve rejected about 5-6 guys, the All-Knowing, Ever-Excited team will start getting anxious. They will start lowering their expectations of the men. They will become slightly erratic and frenzied, and drink lots of coffee. They will try to fix you up with random strangers they see on the street.

DO NOT WORRY.

It’s just a stage. It will pass.

Or so I hope.

Please keep me in your thoughts.

Adam Lambert saves one week of American Idol Season 9

By the end of last year’s season of American Idol, everyone knew the next season was dead before it even started. The reason of course, was Adam Lambert. The man who broke the Idol machine.

The worry was not unfounded. Season 9 of American Idol has got to be the most boring, lackluster season ever to be aired on TV. So they decided since Adam broke it, he should come back and fix it.

Well hey, I didn’t hear any complaints. The Glambert excitement started building up, and soon everyone everywhere was waiting for the one episode of American Idol which would have a performer and a performance to thrill the senses.

But American Idol executive producer Ken Warwick decided he didn’t like the public opinion of Adam’s appearance on the show. Which were several things, like

“Adam is coming back!!! Season 9 is finally getting some TALENT!”

And

“American Idol is bringing Adam back because they need the ratings.”

And

“Who cares about American Idol? I just wanna see ADAM!!!”

No, Ken Warwick did not like that at all. That was apparently not what he’d been going for. So he gave an ill-advised interview where he claimed they were bringing Adam back as a favor to him. His singles were not doing well on the charts, and maybe coming back to Idol will help his sales.

WHAT THE FUCK??? Which rock have you been living under, Ken Warwick??? His singles are not doing well? Have you even seen the charts across the globe where Whataya Want From Me is in the top 5? Do you have any idea how many countries For Your Entertainment has gone gold and platinum in? Including you know, that little country… The United States of America????

I mean, seriously.

But no worries. Adam came on the show and put on a performance that had even Ken Warwick’s jaw dropping open and collecting flies. Glambert brought lasers to American Idol!!! Of course, Twitter exploded with the effects of the show(lasers!), and everyone from Lyndsey Parker to… well, me, are raving about THE ONLY GOOD THING ABOUT SEASON 9, so I guess the producers’ mouths are clamped firmly shut right about now.

In the end, everyone won. American Idol’s ratings shot up as fast as it’ll shoot down next week, and the season 9 contestants finally understood (I hope) how to sing. But it doesn’t matter. American Idol is still broken. This week was just a one time thing. They got their Idol last year, and it’s just embarrassing the way they keep ignoring it. It’s like trying to patch up a broken building with sellotape.

‘Aint gonna happen, Idol. You need Adam Lambert to fix things up, and quite frankly, he’s a little busy taking over the world right now.